A work in progress...

Imperfection striving for perfection, aiming for an ideal, reaching towards a goal... something impossible yet still endeavored.
why is discovery and revelation such an intense process when it pertains to ourselves? how is it we can rationalize everything? why is the obvious so hard to hear?
like a stampede across one's chest... truth wrecks us for days as we try to understand it and apply it. my stomach churns, i make myself eat something and struggle to keep it in. struggle to stay here... on this plane... on earth and not some distant galaxy of thought and retreat. i must stay focused. i must work. i must move on. time passes and things must change. even me. my challenge is to 'let people see me' as one choreographer once said. i need to be more open, let people in. vulnerability is amongst the hardest things for me... I've been hurt and abandoned every time...sooner or later. but my dear friend is right, and if only i can implement even half of what she brought to my attention. I needed that. Now if I can just be content with my imperfections (they make me human afterall) and know that they are part of what make me who I am. ... ... t.b.c. ...
~Z

flicker of a burning, burning flame...
stampeding horses, call my name...
sparks fly, up into the sky,
red, blue, yellow climb high

flickering, flickering, flickering so bright

can you see the full moon up above?
the softest blue blanket covers the land...
transforms it into a foreign place,
pale blue of a shallow pool or a child's tear.

Do you see the beauty in a single drop of rain?
Can you feel the caress of a warm breeze in May?
Do you see the pain when two lovers say goodbye?
Can you feel it in their eyes?

Do you hear the chimes of twinkling stars,
Or sense the sorrow when one falls?
What does love sound like, what is it's chord?
What is the ocean's melody and what do you hear in a storm?

Can you sing the aria of the brilliant hues of fall?
And do you really know me? No... probably not at all.

if i could just take a moment...

this is a rambling one... just so i can get this all out...

Appearance, Love/Lust, and Anxiety.
These topics are what are rolling around in my head right now, unwilling to let me sleep. I have deep set issues with my appearance, and wouldn't be content if I looked like I do now forever. I'm not ugly, in fact I find myself to be quite pretty on most days. But, I am overweight. That bothers me because i can't get the weight off and it has caused health problems due to the location/amount and how quickly i put the weight on. UGH. I just want to be healthy again. I have anxiety because i'm almost done with school and don't know what is next other than an unemployed, insurance-less situation. i am trying to really mean it when i say He will take care of me. i know the Bible says that, but i'm also aware that when i say it or think it, there's hesitation there. I want to mean it, but it's just not there yet. love. oy. that silly thing love. i just don't know who put these people in my life at this moment in it. God or the other one? I don't know. there is a connection between two of us, though i don't think either of us are quite sure what to make of it. maybe. idk.
anyhow, we are good friends and respect each other's abilities and opinions. time will tell and i'll be patient and just enjoy the company. which i do. i enjoy any time around this particular person because of the converstaions we have and how i am at ease yet intrigued. see? i'm in trouble. UGH. *inhale. exhale.*
i really will update this more thoroughly soon... hey, i may have a ton of time on my hands in three weeks. oh gosh.

Take a deep breath and just believe,
for You will take care of me.
let everything go, float away with the sea,
for You will take care of me.
Look up to the heavens, therein lies the key,
and You will take care of me.

rainbows, raindrops, sun streaks through the clouds
all things great and small, You are part of it all.
Your Glory, Your grace, reflected in my face...
I feel it in my soul and I sing it out loud,
yes, You will take care of me.