What does it mean to 'be a man'? with that, what does it mean to be a woman struggling to fullfill the role of 'the man' because who she is with cannot or does not measure up to the meaning or definition of a 'real man.' ... what are the reprecussions? how do you get back to balance? how do you redefine yourself to fulfill the biblical role that your are asked to? what is a real man? what is a real woman? how do you work together?
i'm a woman, i've had an image of the kind of man i wanted to be with, and had resolved that that man was a man of fairy tales and dreams. not so. that kind of real man is out there. i've seen them. they are the ones that lead, intervene, protect, serve... serve each other, serve their families, searve as role models to the community and workplace and children... THAT DREAM IS REAL. I can let go of the attempts at playing both roles because my past relationships weren't holding their own, were asking too much, and were draining. I didn't get out soon enough, but at least i got out. and now... now... now i can be me again. now i can take care of my issues, my imperfections, and focus on being better. a better person, a better believer, a better friend, a better relative, and a better woman. i figure that out, and that real man will find me. what i want is out there. God will provide. I become a more godly woman, a faithful servant, and all those things that make me a Christian... and that real man will step in to compliment, to fill the other duties that i never should have had to do for someone else. it wasn't my job. i'm not okay alone, i do need help. i need someone to share the duties, to COMPLIMENT. i see it all around me in my new family and it's beautiful to witness. that love, that partnership, that team... it makes me melt with happiness...and one day, it will be me.
~Zeriah
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
LWC: Outskirts
it's rough, but here's a start...
What does it feel like to be an outsider? To watch from the distance, as a lone wolf might look on a pack which it doesn't belong to? To stuggle with the daily challenges of fighting as one, and not a group? Of knowing where you should be and seeing that place, but not belonging, not existing... it's living a life invisible.
Zeriah, the Lone Wolf, watching this pack, knowing she belongs there, yet nonexistent to them. Not even a threat, not even a nuisance, and not just ignored, but invisible. What then? Watching pack after pack pass her by as she travels through the countryside. She begins doing on thing she has to keep herself occupied; she watches and she listens. Zeriah sees the flocks of birds cackling through the trees and sky, hears the groups of squirrels clamoring up and down the trees, the wind whispering secrets through the branches, and the drumming of hooves in the distance... it seems as if she is often the only one alone out there. It's winter now, but in a few weeks she'll start hearing the shepard's and their flocks again. Then the rest of the country will start humming and singing once more. The thought should make her happy, but Zeriah barely lifts her tail. Maybe this season things will change. Maybe she'll find some other Lone Wolves along her path... afterall she wasn't at her loneliest. She'd recently met Star, Molly, and Belle through another roamer, and they'd all helped her get back on the trail at some point. She may have felt alone, but she was surely watched over too.
tbc...
-Z-
What does it feel like to be an outsider? To watch from the distance, as a lone wolf might look on a pack which it doesn't belong to? To stuggle with the daily challenges of fighting as one, and not a group? Of knowing where you should be and seeing that place, but not belonging, not existing... it's living a life invisible.
Zeriah, the Lone Wolf, watching this pack, knowing she belongs there, yet nonexistent to them. Not even a threat, not even a nuisance, and not just ignored, but invisible. What then? Watching pack after pack pass her by as she travels through the countryside. She begins doing on thing she has to keep herself occupied; she watches and she listens. Zeriah sees the flocks of birds cackling through the trees and sky, hears the groups of squirrels clamoring up and down the trees, the wind whispering secrets through the branches, and the drumming of hooves in the distance... it seems as if she is often the only one alone out there. It's winter now, but in a few weeks she'll start hearing the shepard's and their flocks again. Then the rest of the country will start humming and singing once more. The thought should make her happy, but Zeriah barely lifts her tail. Maybe this season things will change. Maybe she'll find some other Lone Wolves along her path... afterall she wasn't at her loneliest. She'd recently met Star, Molly, and Belle through another roamer, and they'd all helped her get back on the trail at some point. She may have felt alone, but she was surely watched over too.
tbc...
-Z-
Listen to my Heart... Music and spirit
Music stirs, it inspires, it speaks to souls. From heartbeats to raindrops, flames to the wind, music is everywhere. Some old lyrics and musical alliterations, amongst other things, to follow soon...
Home Sweet Home
What does it mean to 'Come Home?' Go "home"? What makes a place a home and howmany real homes can one have?
a few of my favorite things...
This is another message I hope to upload soon; seems to be a theme there.
TADA!
1. I love the sound of distant thunder... but get a scared when there is severe weather.
2. My life has changed completely in the past year. COMPLETELY. And I'm happier for it. Even if the process and moments were hard, I'm better for it.
3. I have an unusually strong sense of smell. Back in Texas, I can smell the rain on the wind. You know, when the air changes and the clouds start rolling in? I love and miss that scent.
4. I have a child's imagination...
5. I love clouds...
6. I am fascinated by the physics of flight... how can a cargo plane even get up in the air?! (i mean, i get it. i know HOW... it just amazes me)
7. I am a third generation military brat, but was forbidden to join the military.
8. I really like swimming, and seeing the world from under water.
9. i miss camping and being outdoors...LA has way too much concrete.
10. I love kids... baby/toddler giggles are the cure for anything!
11. I love a dark night and a starry sky.
12. I make lists constantly.
13. I am blessed with an amazing family and an incredible circle of friends who I don't know where I would be without them. they are some of the most amazing, wonderful, and talented people...
14. Every day I miss dancing... the little moments just don't cut it.
15. I haven't been onstage in 5 years, but will be in April!
16. I am always thinking and daydreaming.
17. I love to travel. I've been in almost every continental state and national park...
18. I went to Spain for a week in undergrad, and it was just enough to tease me. I want to take a trip and visit all the museums and gothic churches and monuments i can stand to look at... and that's just a start.
19. I cannot, CANNOT, choose between mountains and the ocean... I live in Long Beach where I can see both every day. :)
20. I love sunrises and sunsets.
21. I am obsessed with color. really.
22. I LOVE to play/dance in the rain...
23. I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean this year.
24. I am my hardest critic. to a fault.
25. I LOVE TO READ. and am a bit bitter i never have the time to do it.
26. Music is at my core... i whistle, hum, or sing--albeit quietly--all the time.
27. I pride myself on being smart and an artist. few things annoy me as much as people who assume I am an artist because i wasn't smart enough to do anything else. UGH. (though i rarely capitalize anything in communications with a social context... bad grammar is something that really irks me. double negatives and poor sentence structure annoy me. yet, i use ... like it was going out of style. ;) )
TADA!
1. I love the sound of distant thunder... but get a scared when there is severe weather.
2. My life has changed completely in the past year. COMPLETELY. And I'm happier for it. Even if the process and moments were hard, I'm better for it.
3. I have an unusually strong sense of smell. Back in Texas, I can smell the rain on the wind. You know, when the air changes and the clouds start rolling in? I love and miss that scent.
4. I have a child's imagination...
5. I love clouds...
6. I am fascinated by the physics of flight... how can a cargo plane even get up in the air?! (i mean, i get it. i know HOW... it just amazes me)
7. I am a third generation military brat, but was forbidden to join the military.
8. I really like swimming, and seeing the world from under water.
9. i miss camping and being outdoors...LA has way too much concrete.
10. I love kids... baby/toddler giggles are the cure for anything!
11. I love a dark night and a starry sky.
12. I make lists constantly.
13. I am blessed with an amazing family and an incredible circle of friends who I don't know where I would be without them. they are some of the most amazing, wonderful, and talented people...
14. Every day I miss dancing... the little moments just don't cut it.
15. I haven't been onstage in 5 years, but will be in April!
16. I am always thinking and daydreaming.
17. I love to travel. I've been in almost every continental state and national park...
18. I went to Spain for a week in undergrad, and it was just enough to tease me. I want to take a trip and visit all the museums and gothic churches and monuments i can stand to look at... and that's just a start.
19. I cannot, CANNOT, choose between mountains and the ocean... I live in Long Beach where I can see both every day. :)
20. I love sunrises and sunsets.
21. I am obsessed with color. really.
22. I LOVE to play/dance in the rain...
23. I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean this year.
24. I am my hardest critic. to a fault.
25. I LOVE TO READ. and am a bit bitter i never have the time to do it.
26. Music is at my core... i whistle, hum, or sing--albeit quietly--all the time.
27. I pride myself on being smart and an artist. few things annoy me as much as people who assume I am an artist because i wasn't smart enough to do anything else. UGH. (though i rarely capitalize anything in communications with a social context... bad grammar is something that really irks me. double negatives and poor sentence structure annoy me. yet, i use ... like it was going out of style. ;) )
Friday, January 02, 2009
values, expectations, and jane
.... coming soon... as well as the story of the lone wolf adventures, as it were.
-Z-
-Z-
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